It was year 1974. My parents were newly married and staying in a big combined family in a small village in Maharashtra. Both my grandparents were wonderful people. They were loving, affectionate and took meticulous care of the extended family around them; well, at least as long as people followed rules of the household.
Things were hunky-dory until this one evening in February 1974 when a high-strung discussion was on in our living room. All elderly men were sitting on a side and my father sat facing them. Mother and other ladies of family stood tensed in the kitchen. They were not expected to come out and face men in important family discussions, as was a ritual then.
“Gopal! What’s wrong with you? Are you not man enough to earn money for family? Have you worn bangles in your hands?” said Grandfather in a loud disgusted tone.
“But Baba, this is not about earning money. This is about studying. Rekha wants to advance her studies and I do want to support her.” said Father calmly.
“So today she says she wants to go to college. Tomorrow she will say she wants to go out and work. Will you fulfil all her erratic demands? Are we to tell society that our daughter-in-law earns money for family now?” Grandfather was visibly edgy and perturbed.
“See Baba, let’s discuss only about sending her to college right now. Educating her has no harm really. Just think about it. I will be travelling frequently. She will have to stay here and deal with post office, bank accounts, and other paperwork herself. Education will make her confident. She will be able to do all those outside chores that only I have been doing so far. Plus, I assure you she will take utmost care of people and other rituals in family.”
And so the heated debate continued for many hours through night. My father faced brunt of his beloved parents and other family members in order to support one woman he loved. He stood like a rock solid pillar behind Mother in that stormy period.
We are talking about 70s here! And setting was in a remote village. My mother was a brilliant student.
She was married at age of 19, as was the norm then. It was an era when a woman stepping outside house, for any purpose whatsoever, was extremely rare. And allowing a married woman to go back to college was nothing short of a crime.
But Father was an unusual combination of strength and patience. He faced raised eyebrows and calmly answered questions from our house, neighborhood and society. He ensured my mother finished her Masters as well as B.Ed. He ensured she went on to become a teacher in school as she wished. He ensured she handled issues at work and house independently, confidently and gracefully. In a middleclass regressive society, where even a man lifting his own glass of water was a taboo, he shared kitchen responsibilities equally with my mother. While she taught in school, he cooked for us kids, he fed us, he told us stories and he taught us studies.
I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to be born as a girl child to such parents, especially Father, who had a profound love for education. He was a Mathematics Professor in University and my mother went on to become a high-school teacher for Mathematics and Science. From early on, they groomed me to be inquisitive and taught me to love reading. Books were made my precious childhood companions and that led to a lifelong love for languages, literature and learning in me.
Education, my parents taught me, be it for a man or woman, should transcend age, language and location barriers. Being educated is above and beyond earning a degree. Education means constant learning. It means being aware, competent, curious and hard-working. It means keeping up with changing times. It means accepting challenges without fear.
Today my father is no more. But my mother lives a dignified, independent, and content life, without her spouse, post her retirement. I live a prosperous and meaningful life post my marriage. However, presence of Father lingers in our lives.
Here’s to my wonderful father who had courage to stand up against a room full of his own treasured family members and society at large, 40 years ago! We miss you!!
(This post was written as part of #Selfies4School campaign by Breakthrough TV)
